The Pope Wears Fishnets

College parties are ridiculous. I can pretty much guarantee that that was the only house in the world last night that contained Waldo, people in sombreros, Little Bo Peep, men in full Russian garb, gangsters, devils, Catholic school girls bandits, b-boys, characters out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, hippies, Sandra Dee from Grease, a DJ, a human fly-swatter, and the Pope wearing fishnets. If someone else can claim the same thing, I will deliver to them the four empty handles of vodka, six empty bottles of rum, three empty bottles of tequila, three empty bottles of whisky, two empty bottles of gin, two empty bottle of schnapps, three empty juice bottles, 154 empty beer cans and 292 abused red Dixie cups. If they invited the neighbors but had the cops called regardless, I’ll throw in a soiled carpet. If a full-on mud-wrestling match or petting zoo was involved, I’ll wish I had been there instead.